alpha and omega…
i find myself often consumed by too many thoughts and ideas. some are fears, other are dreams i find myself too scared to chase after, and others, are just part of my wild imagination. although i have a steady job and enjoy working with children, a part of me feels like i am supposed to be doing something else. it’s difficult to explain. sometimes i forget that God gives us dreams and He knows the desires our hearts. instead, i tend to believe that dreams come only from man and what we wish for won’t come true. i’m usually really optimistic for other people and their dreams but when it comes to my own, i quickly dismiss them. why? perhaps because it’s easier to not deal with them than to pursue something that will never come to pass. perhaps i am a late bloomer or going through some sort of quarter of a century life crisis?
in reflecting upon my last two dozen years on this earth, i find myself stagnant. yes, i am moving forward in certain aspects, but at the same time, i feel as if everyone around me is moving and i am just sitting back and watching. and in my ripe age of 25, i find myself not accomplishing much or not enough. i often find myself wondering what my purpose here is on Earth. although i am a teacher, i find myself wondering if i am ever doing a good job and if i am really becoming that change agent. i’m scared for our children and their future. the world is a lot grimmer and it can only get worse. how can i prepare and support them in negotiating their multiple worlds when i myself is struggling with that?
on a brighter note, since my colleague has introduced me, i have been listening to israel and new breed for awhile and one ritual we have is listening to it in the morning before class starts and one song that has blessed us continuously is the one below. simplistic in it’s form but so fulfilling and a constant reminder that God orders our steps because he is the beginning and the end and is worthy of our praise no matter what comes our way…
I feel the same about being optimistic for other people, but not myself.
Jane, I want you to know that you are amazing and you are making a change in this world, even if you don’t feel it at the moment. Your influence, especially as a teacher, is shaping the lives of the “future.” But you are sooooo much more than just a teacher! You are a child of God, an heir to The Throne, and a wonderful sister in Christ who I know I can always count on to encourage me and make me smile.
I love you!